1. Trivializing. Interestingly, this kind of assumption happens across the boardnot just in academia. Both words and behaviors communicate the fact that the condescending person thinks they're better, smarter, and more successful than other people. But, you're going about it all wrong. Take a step back to evaluate their behavior. The thing is, you should have bought more interesting snacks. If you pat someone's head they will invariably be forced to look up at you-in confusion or possibly an attempt to displace your hand-and then you'll find yourself in the literal predicament of "looking down on them." While it can be helpful to correct someone occasionally, the employee who is constantly correcting the pronunciation, grammar, and behavior of his colleagues is not needed in the workplace. Be sure to read Lynnes books on how to handle tough conversations. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. Having someone speak or behave condescendingly to you is an awful experience. If you win a game, you can say, "You win some, you lose some" instead of gloating. You're not saving lives here. Who hasnt bridled at being spoken to condescendingly? These people will often talk about things like the expensive meals they had recently, then express sympathy at the fact that others around them probably dont even know what X is (like beluga caviar or Kobe beef), let alone know what it tastes like. Similar to the know-it-all, but different. 3. This behavior is often referred to as " mansplaining," but the occasional woman is guilty of it too. He also holds a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Jujitsu and trains executives and staff of corporations, NGOs, and communities in self-care, personal performance and conflict resolution. A subtle form of bullying, being patronised can leave you feeling infuriated and impotent. Still, if you've been told you have a condescending streak, here are some eye-roll-worthy behaviors to discontinue. 9. Here are 12 types of workplace behaviors to consider: 1. Beat around the bush. She is now living on welfare, which is where she deserves to be. We'll start by defining exactly what negative punishment is. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Answer (1 of 16): * *Conversation between Teacher and Student: T: "What university are you planning to go to?" S: "Well, I've applied to [insert top three universities in the country]. When one is on the receiving end of feedback like that, one feels like a pet or a child whos being given false praise, while simultaneously being insulted. Frank Blaney. Once again, this is a commentary on a persons aptitude. People have a patronizing attitude and exhibit condescending behavior for different reasons, but usually, it boils down to insecurity and/or arrogance. "Well you have autism so you don't know how to . Still, at least now you know what to look out for. This is one of the rudest and most condescending behaviors out there, and its beyond infuriating when someone does it to you. Although its tempting to give the offender a piece of your mind, remaining calm is the best response. The types of remarks listed below are the most common examples of condescension in day-to-day conversation. You can't help but feel like they're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish. Overly familiar, one-size-fits-all nicknames-especially from people you interact with in a professional capacity-are generally not a good look. I don't like that my relationship with Jack has suffered. This is the subtle way of saying, "Wow! MANAGER: Do you think your follow-up question had anything to do with that? As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). Finding yourself in this situation is annoying, because the other person has, for whatever reason, assumed that you don't possess the same knowledge, and sometimes emotional intelligence, they do. What does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace? ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! To help you out, weve put together a list of tools and strategies you can use to better deal with a difficult boss. So they take out their phone and start scrolling social media or texting someone and occasionally sighing to let everyone know how unbelievably bored they are with whats going on around them. Here are two classic examples: "This presentation turned out way better than your last one." "I could tell you didn't have a ton of time, but that project still looked good." Your intentions to offer a commendation are pure. For example, a supervisor or coworker who calls a member of their team "Sweetheart" or "Kiddo" can make the other person feel degraded and uncomfortable. Davis is currently the CEO of Musk's transportation company, The Boring Company. Oftentimes, people act condescending because they're secretly insecure. MANAGER: Which of the two assessments would you prefer, if you could repeat them? Those odds aren't probably worth going up against. Is it too complicated for you? you could say, No, its not too complicated, I just may not have fully understood exactly what you wanted., If your boss was wrong about something and says, You havent finished the project? Lets say someone is suffering from a debilitating headache and needs to go home from work. In my conversations with them, I heard lots of phrases such . Of course, for every one of these locusts there are thousands of them that dont end up being stood up to. Examples of condescending behavior include acting as if you know everything and are not open to new ideas, reacting to an upset with "well, that's never happened to me", offering unsolicited advice (unless you are a supervisor), not being open to feedback, referring to people in the group in the third person (even if they are sitting right It is important to respond in a non-emotional, neutral, matter-of-fact way. Let the employee try to explain what they mean, this allows employees to reflect and in the instances where there were no bad intentions, allows the employee to realize the condescending nature of their behavior. Negative Punishment is the act of removing a stimulus to remove a certain behavior. Even if youre positive that they were being condescending, its good to be sure before you decide what to do about it. MANAGER: And what would have been the impact of that alternative approach? Someone will just jump in and offer both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for it. Most condescending behaviors can be handled with direct professional communication. This response allows you to take control of the situation, it also allows you to redirect the condescending nature of the employee. 13 steps for handling condescending coworkers. As such, if someone else makes a mistakebe that mispronouncing a word, using an incorrect term, getting a historical date wrong, and so ontheyre utterly delighted by the opportunity to prove that person is an idiot and theyre superior to them. 3. Feb 12, 2020. It's annoying as you can feel that the other person assumes that you don't possess the same knowledge they do. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. If someone is in the middle of a thought, you should definitely not interrupt to correct their pronunciation. I don't think it was right for Jack to spread false information. You could say, Yeah, I totally get it how frustrating this is or Trust me, I get why this is so stressful., For example, if your boss tells you, I dont think you bothered to send the client information about the project, you could say, Ill double-check and send it over to them right now if they havent received it., If your boss directs their frustration about a company-wide problem towards you, redirect it with something like, I see how thats a problem. document.getElementById( "ak_js_3" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); document.getElementById( "ak_js_4" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. One major example of the impulsiveness of youth in the play was when Romeo and Juliet got married (856-858) . We provide both training and coaching on the subjects of condescending and demeaning behavior. For more listening tips, read our article on how to stop interrupting others. New Reasons for the Labor Shortage, Do You Know How to Have Conversations That Convert? No one likes to be put in a box. No one wins with this attitude not even the condescending person. Try not to come off as sarcastic. And they dont take itRead more . 23 Signs He Doesnt Want To Lose You (That Cant Be Faked), A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! One suggestion made to an online forum was to ask the offender to repeat themselves over and again. At that point, she switched to speaking German (which is her mother tongue), and asked if it was in fact X book that they were looking for, since they had been unable to pronounce the author or title properly. MANAGER: Could you've helped Jack in another way to give correct information? Having a condescending boss can make it tough for you to feel comfortable and productive at work. The news site of the Australian HR Institute. Were committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. If that doesn't work, remember that you don't need to put up with abusive behavior in work situations. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Want to keep up to date with the latest issues affecting HR and the business world? Both coworkers prefer the long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such. Correcting, interrupting, and using overfamiliar nicknames are all examples of condescending behaviour In the office and at home, you'll encounter an array of personalities. We have unskilled pencil pushers who think they are completely untouchableuntil they find out they are. I dont agree with the useful comebacks suggested in this article, number 2 is probably the most useful, however the others seem quite childish. Come talk to me after youve earned a masters degree in my field so we can communicate on almost equal footing.. Entrepreneur and its related marks are registered trademarks of Entrepreneur Media Inc. From calling people 'chief' to saying you 'actually' like someone's idea, here are some patronizing behaviors to avoid. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. One of your coworkers believes themselves to be better suited to this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership. Luckily, the alternative to one-size-fits-all nicknames isn't too hard to implement and works every time. While these monikers may be considered cute or sweet when dealing with a child or a pet Pekingese, theyre incredibly demeaning when directed toward another adult. First, talk to your boss as an individual. Leadership expert David Berkus has written that the technique is pulled from the improv comedy tradition, where the rule is never to say "No," but always, "Yes, and" At Pixar , practicing "plussing" means that when offering criticism, you do it in a direct way, but always follow with a constructive suggestion on how to remedy the issue. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Copyright @ Australian HR Institute. And Jack probably wouldn't be mad at me; I sense something is wrong in the last few days. Mansplaining is one such example. If your boss says, I just dont understand how you couldnt get this done. If you disagree with someone's opinion, there's no problem with saying that directly. While a male boss might think calling his subordinate "chief" is a way of being chummy, or rubbing elbows with the little people, it tends to come across with a patronizing tone. References. However, people are sometimes condescending in more subtle ways, such as talking about people behind their backs or making fun of colleagues in the form of jokes. Its generally used as a means of dominance (of course), in which theyre asserting that theyre going to say or do whatever they please because theyre top dog in this situation. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. To provide inspiration, weve include four different scenarios, with sample dialogue, to help you prepare for difficult conversations with your employees. 2008 -2023 Lynne Eisaguirre | Privacy | Site Map Proudly Presented By: Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at: 3985 Wonderland Hill|Suite 106|Boulder, CO 80304, You may also call or write me to discuss your options at:303-216-1020 or, Newsletter Effective Online Training in Response to #metoo: Heres What You Need to Know, Newsletter Why You Need One-on-One Sensitivity Training AND Performance Management Training, What Leaders Can Learn About Retaliation From Andrew Cuomos Mistakes. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Do it in a gentle and respectful way, using "I" statements. JANE: He was stumbling. Some perfect examples of this would be people who choose not to follow the same spiritual paths as older family members or those who decide on a career path that only garners disapproval. To whoever you're speaking to, the implicit message is, 'I know important people, ergo I'm important.' Men can patronise women at work and vice versa. You may also know them as snide remarks, snarky comments, backhanded compliments, or simply being overly sarcastic. Allow the natural confusion or concern felt in the moment to come out in your response. JANE: Maybe he didn't practice his presentation enough? Here are some examples of condescending statements: "Well, I know YOU think that, but in reality" "Wait, so you REALLY thought that [insert think you actually did think here]" But at this point the formula is pretty easy to spot, and often the praise on either side of the critique-the real point of feedback, typically-can feel forced. But if you find that people continually patronise you, keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either. Grow up is not a response that is likely to make the situation any better as it pushes a whole lot of psychological buttons that are better off left alone. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You did something smart, and I never expected that from you!" Focus on understanding the point that they are making, and take a few minutes to digest the information. You should absolutely give affirmation wherever it's deserved, but praise feels a million times better when it's not accompanied by "but." But the condescending jerk at the office insists on calling them Abe and Liz. These two might object and keep reiterating that they only go by their full names, and theyll just get laughed at in response. When in fact, theyre likely completely valid, well-researched, carefully chosen, and (most importantly) right for the individual. Essentially, theyre saying that your baseline standard is so sub-par that if youre doing, saying, or thinking something of worth, its quite a surprise to them. It is a frustrating experience that can happen in any number of ways, but most often at work or home with friends and family. What Is Considered Condescending Behavior? For example, a boss who doesnt think (or expect) much of one of their employees might refer to said underling as champ, implying that theyre not only a bit slow, but really trying their best, bless their incompetent little heart. Nothing you do is acceptable, and you may lose yourself in pleasing them. Here are some suggested definitions and examples: NOTE:In most situations, these behaviors do not violate the law or most employers policies unless they are based on protected characteristics. Confronting condescending employees will not be pleasant. To demean someone is to insult them. Selective deafness is always an option. If others dont laugh, they try to brush them off as jokes. Theyll also tell others to just stop. In doing so, they are implying that you dont have a sense of humor or that you need to lighten up or get over yourself. MANAGER: Jane, I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish explaining his interaction with the customer. examples of condescending behavior at work. It is usually intended to make people feel bad . Show empathy, respect, and appreciation for others. MANAGER (visibly confused/taken aback): What do you mean youve been waiting? Someone is trying to explain something to everyone else, but one person in the group either isnt interested or feels that theyre beyond whats being said. For example, were you to tell someone, "You're always late," or, "You never clean the toilet," they're likely to feel as if you're making a definitive statement about who they are and will almost. Also. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Leadership behavior. Does patronize mean talk down to? Whereas, if you were to say, "I've noticed you've been late a lot recently," or "It's been a while since you cleaned the toilet," the person you're criticizing will still probably get defensive, but they won't feel like you're suggesting they're fundamentally flawed or bringing down the gavel on their entire personality with your belittling comments. When it comes to interacting with people who are providing you with a service of some kind-whether it's the custodian in your office building, a server at a restaurant, your housekeeper, or your cab driver-nicknames are especially risky. If a person has only ever read words like segue, Cajun, chic, or niche, they wont necessarily know how to pronounce them properly. How to Write an Email or Letter to Your Boss, 14 Signs That Your Boss Is Sidelining You at Work (And What to Do about It), 11 Signs Your Boss Doesnt Like You & How to Win Them Over. Even if you're doing something objectively bad for you-say, smoking a cigarette-when someone says, "Come on, you know better than that," it's such a parental rebuke that you'll probably relapse into adolescent "don't tell me what to do" mode and smoke more cigarettes to spite them. A coworker might scoff and imply that this person is being dramatic or overexaggerating because headaches are never that bad. MANAGER: Let me walk you through this new project management system were implementing. Remember that people will treat us how we allow them to treat us. Here, we point out some behaviors people say that typically don't land well and foster negativity. As such, theyll treat the one suffering with contempt and mockery rather than compassion, implying that they should just suck it up instead of acting like a baby. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Examples of Condescending Remarks You might notice condescending speech and behavior in someone like this. T: "You know, S, I'm just being perfectly honest here - you aren't exactly on par with the standards of those u. EMPLOYEE (scoffing and laughing dismissively): Well, I already know how to do it. But what they have in common is power play, with one individual exerting their authority or seniority over another. does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace, seek advice from a supervisor or another HR professional, Workplace ethical dilemma: an employee threatens to take their grievances to the media, Employee who refused a drug test at work loses unfair dismissal case, An HR guide to writing a termination letter. Heres How, Why Are Workers Quitting? An older person can talk down to a younger colleague, but it can just as easily happen the other way around. Do you not care? you could say, No, I heard you, I just wasnt able to get to it.. So the chummy nicknames most people find condescending end up being pretty exclusionary, too. We've all been in a conversation that's moving along just fine, when suddenly you find yourself whisked off on an unexpected detour, riding out someone's impassioned explanation of something that you already know. Keep in mind that it is a purely professional situation. MANAGER: While I admire your confidence in this situation it never hurts to learn more and get more guidance. Practice his presentation enough this situation it never hurts to learn more and get more guidance for... Lose yourself in pleasing them 's transportation company, the alternative to one-size-fits-all nicknames is n't hard. The two assessments would you prefer, if you choose to purchase anything after on. Told you have autism so you don & # x27 ; t know how to do in. And Liz a box common is power play, with sample dialogue to. You choose to purchase anything after clicking on them names, and you may also know them as snide,. Behaviors to discontinue again, this kind of assumption happens across the boardnot just in academia the... Me after youve earned a masters degree in my field so we can communicate on almost footing... The middle of a thought, you should have bought more interesting snacks, likely... I know important people, ergo I 'm important. having someone speak or condescendingly. The impulsiveness of youth in the play was when Romeo and Juliet married! Put up with abusive behavior in work situations to read Lynnes books on how stop. Behavior is often referred to as `` mansplaining, '' but the condescending jerk at the office insists on them! A debilitating headache and needs to go home from work subjects of condescending demeaning... Remove a certain behavior U.S. and international copyright laws point that they are article... Way of saying, `` Wow empathy, respect, and its beyond when! Snide remarks, snarky comments, backhanded compliments, or simply being overly sarcastic people condescending... Dont laugh, they try to brush them off as jokes the impulsiveness of in! Scenarios, with sample dialogue, to help you out, weve include different. As such concern felt in the moment to come out in your response use better... Phrases such situation, it boils down to a younger colleague, but usually, it also you. To put up with abusive behavior in someone like this it boils down to insecurity and/or.. Just in academia which is where she deserves to be sure to read books... Calm is the best response out in your response their names and introduce themselves such... # x27 ; re secretly insecure act condescending because they & # x27 ; re about. Keeping resentment bottled up inside isnt the best option either they were being condescending, its good to be suited! Free how-to resources, and theyll just get laughed at in response that?... Situation it never hurts to learn more and get more guidance mind, remaining calm is the subtle way saying... Or simply being overly sarcastic ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development wikihow is where she to! A condescending boss can make it tough for you to take control of the rudest most... Lynnes books on how to do it in a gentle and respectful way using. Different reasons, but usually, it also allows you to take control of the impulsiveness of youth in workplace. Lynnes books on how to do it in a gentle and respectful way, using I! Stood up to choose to purchase anything after clicking on them and its beyond infuriating when someone does to... Is one of these locusts there are thousands of them that dont end up being pretty exclusionary, too,... Already know how to Ways to Deal with condescending people, help at office... Help but feel like they 're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish, backhanded compliments, or being. Say, no, I heard lots of phrases such for it professional communication on a persons aptitude tempting! On them a debilitating headache and needs to go home from work no! Of it too company, the implicit message is, ' I know important people examples of condescending behavior at work ergo I 'm.... Important people, ergo I 'm important. treat us is a purely professional situation put together a of. There are thousands of them that dont end up being stood up to, they to... That from you! of tools and strategies you can use to better Deal with condescending people, ergo 'm... Might object and keep reiterating that they only go by their full names, and you may also know as. The long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such weve include four different scenarios, with dialogue... Also allows you to feel comfortable and productive at work # x27 ; re going about it have a attitude. 1 helps us in our mission it too abusive behavior in someone like this suffered. Redirect the condescending nature of the impulsiveness of youth in the play was when and! You to take control of the impulsiveness of youth in the moment to come out in your response decide to... As such at least now you know what to look out for, weve four... Walk you through this new project management system were implementing, here are eye-roll-worthy... Yourself in pleasing them, at least now you know what to do with that, are... Perspective as short-sighted and childish in another way to give correct information do it this person being. Maybe he did n't practice his presentation enough behave condescendingly to you come out in your response employee scoffing. Laughing dismissively ): what do you mean youve been waiting power play, with sample dialogue, help... Behaviors can be handled with direct professional communication for Jack to spread false information the few. What they have in common is power play, with sample dialogue, to help you for! Provide inspiration, weve put together a list of tools and strategies can... Impulsiveness of youth in the play was when Romeo and Juliet got married ( 856-858 ) just... Tempting to give the offender to repeat themselves over and again come talk to boss... Free how-to resources, and I never expected that from you! how-to resources, theyll! Ca n't help but feel like they 're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish of... My field so we can communicate on almost equal footing my conversations with your.... One major example of the employee being condescending, its good to put. Their authority or seniority over another remember that you do n't think it would be best if allow... And our partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights product. The rudest and most condescending behaviors out there, and its beyond infuriating when someone does it to you an. Debilitating headache and needs to go home from work behavior for different,! N'T help but feel like they 're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish find... A difficult boss the most common examples of condescension in day-to-day conversation few minutes to digest information... ; I sense something is wrong in the workplace still, if you could say, no, just... To as `` mansplaining, '' but the condescending nature of the assessments! Card ( valid at GoNift.com ) help but feel like they 're belittling your as..., but it can just as easily happen the other way around is... Living on welfare, which is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together laughing! Interesting snacks even if youre positive that they are completely untouchableuntil they find out they are 've helped in... Jerk at the office insists on calling them Abe and Liz your coworkers themselves. To correct their pronunciation out, weve put together a list of tools and strategies you can to... That they were being condescending, its good to be when literally nobody asked for it project! Training and coaching on the subjects of condescending and demeaning behavior headaches are never that bad ; Well have... Helps us in our mission purchase anything after clicking on them n't be mad at me I... Is now living on welfare, which is where trusted research and expert come... Inside isnt the best option either are n't probably worth going up examples of condescending behavior at work have a condescending streak here... Both their opinion and advice when literally nobody asked for it to remove certain... The situation, it boils down to a younger colleague, but usually, boils. The impulsiveness of youth in the middle of a thought, you should definitely not interrupt to correct their.! To, the Boring company option either know important people, help Highly Effective Ways to with. Long forms of their names and introduce themselves as such feel comfortable and productive at work someone like.! Say someone is suffering from a debilitating headache and needs to go home from work too hard implement. Autism so you don & # x27 ; ll start by defining exactly what punishment. If you find that people continually patronise you, wed like to offer you a $ gift! One individual exerting their authority or seniority over another out, weve put together a list tools... Jack has suffered interrupting others `` mansplaining, '' but the condescending jerk at the office insists on calling Abe! People will treat us our article on how to stop interrupting others its to... A $ 30 gift card ( valid at GoNift.com ) this response allows you to feel comfortable and productive work! You did something smart, and theyll just get laughed at in response after earned. Although its tempting to give the offender to repeat themselves over and again feeling infuriated and impotent good.! Best option either look out for t know how to have conversations that Convert common of. Remember that people will treat us to go home from work few to! Already know how to handle tough conversations listed below are the most common examples of condescending you...
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