We discussed our relationship, talked about breaking up but both decided although we were becoming distant we both still love each other and want to fight for the future we were both working towards together with each other. I dont know what to do. Over 3 years back we were fighting every day and things got really bad. Will his actions change after a while? We started dating and lasted 3 years and our families even met and spent time together and loved each other. Despite the meds shes taking, reached orgasm for the first time since starting them. If the bad stuff was present and the good stuff was missing, then what I recommend you do is sit down with your husband and discuss it. He invited our children. Hes an insecure person (he always accused me of cheating on him and having crushes on other men, which I NEVER did) but I believed that he could overcome it one day. Questions. Please help me what should I do. 1. Working with a therapist may help you ease the pain and devastation you feel, as well as help you identify tools you already have to aid you in moving on and healing. Were you afraid of him? She said they broke up which i wasnt too sure. That said, the fact that the two of you were loyal to one another until you broke up with him shows some maturity. And what did you find inside your partners heart and soul? Hi Phil, I loved someone and we broke up for 3 times and again he did come back to me and i went to him to, and my family found about it and called his parents and made sure that we wont contact eachother anymore and all. I just dont know how to get there. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for two years and a half. Oh yowies eeks!!!! Im lost, hurt, and I want him in my life because he is my person. For an inexpensive solution, perhaps you would like to read my book which is available on Amazon The Healing Is Mutual. Look how youre acting. But now, your new gf is also insecure because of what happened to her in the past. Enter your ZIP code here to find a list of professionals in your area: Mostly he doesnt remember disrespectful hurtful things he says because he was drunk when he says them and he thinks I am overreacting Its sucks because now he knows I am moving and doesnt want me to goif I stayed mad, it wouldve been easier, but now Im sad, so its hard. I have depression and self esteem issues, as does he. I do not want to lose her, I do not want to pressure her to make any decisions, but I dont want to lose myself in this either. Remember this: Loving is giving. Then last Thursday we went to therapy for the first time in weeks. He says I dont act like a girlfriend sometimes and that hurts. I had done him a favor by printing some flyers for him so I told him that he owed me. That I needed to know my status with her cus i feel like Im being used by her and baby father to takecare of their things. Besides all of this negativity this is the happiest Ive ever been and this relationship has brought so my joy and light into my life. When he touched me I felt disgusted and thought how can this man possibly love me. What kind of man he is?? Sometimes the person we hate is ourselves because we can't get rid of emotions for another person even if they are dragging us down. He wants me and our children to stay so he can see them daily. He would smoke, stay up all night playing video games, and go as far as verbal abuse and even screamed hard with our girl in his arms when I kept pressing for help. My intention was purely to ditch her but I want too sure enough if I could. Realize that you can't do anything about it anymore. How do I fix this? 7 years i found myself heartbroken with 3 kids. No romantic or intimate gesture or special intimate moment shared between the sheets when we got home. The hard part is that i see her every day (at work) and some days it feels like Im slipping back into anxiety ridden grief. While I enjoyed her company in most cases, she had attitude of asking for money every time. If parents had given these things to us growing up, then we would feel self-confident and brimming with love to give out to the person we are with. Hi Deb, I met my girlfriend during freshman year in college. Maybe right before the rope falls over the edge of the cliff and I plummet to my death she will come running and grab it and save me, or maybe I should let go and climb down before its too late. My answer is: Feeling can come back, but the process is backwards from the way it was the first time. Anyways, some sort of suggestions and way forward from this really what I need. Build some support first. This may require therapy or through exercises in a course (such as the one I will be bringing out in about 2 months) or self-help books. 5. She moved out with her sister and from being traumatized, fell immediately out of love with me. my wife and I were married in May of 2013. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. I think there is some investigating you should do into your deepest self to uncover this stuff because it affected your relationship. Consider ending this relationship NOT your life. Harry Emerson Fosdick. But not all these were my new friends. I wasnt having it. I was convinced he was cheating on me because he even had a picture of himself and the same girl as his wallpaper. Finally, in your case, since you were brave enough and honest enough to admit you hurt him in the past, you would also need to learn exactly what is abuse and why it hurts; you might need some work in putting yourself in his shoes, telling how he feels. But I dont know what to do. Thats the one thing all the girls have in common. There are a couple of things in your letter that deserve a closer look. 12: Ask her if shes willing to go ice skating with you First of all, he doesnt even know how. And am trying to get him to seek help. I leave for a week long work trip and ramp up my positive sweet texts to her and she just seems distant and not typical of herself, but just gives me enough for me not to question things openly. . Just wanted to share my story so far. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive for a long time. I still feel betrayed at the most basic level of the one person I trusted most in this world. Ive always ignored the red flags right from the beginning. And he wants to know why and how things would be different now. Ive talked about this with him but he doesnt understand why Im doing this to myself. My fiance and I have been together for about 7 years now and have two little ones. I know that he cares deeply for me and I dont think he truly wants to give up on me. I helped him concur some of his demons and even helped him break an alcohol addiction (Which I didnt pick up his addiction until later on in our relationship). A few days prior to our meeting I emailed her a few things that were on my mind that I wanted her to think about and asked her to do the same. Hello!! Im not sure what to do at this point. You understand your opinions are important, and you have confidence in your ideas. Does he realize he can be even happier? Still, cheating is cheating. I met my wife while I was in recovery, I am an alcoholic. Therefore, it would be natural for him to be skeptical of your changes if you havent done this (you dont indicate what you did to work through them). In vest in your life. We were literally inseparable from the first day we met and have been ever since. My almost 2yr old was born special needs. Hi Missy, Indeed, instead of contributing her opinion on the issues she said my baby father is outside to pick my up. You just want to keep hating the person who has hurt you. Hi John So the gut picked her and I saw him clearly he was the guy I saw on fb. Since then we gave gone strength to strength, our love life is better than it ever was and we barely argue at all. It was so bad I needed to be put on medication for depression. things were not perfect but the chemitry was there, we had fun and now he has gone back home. the fact that this whole bad situation caused you this soul searching and it made you realize you didnt treat your bf well is very good for you. I left him and he kept contacting me but I wanted nothing to do with someone who only looked at me as a way to get sex and be so insensitive to disrespect me and cheat on me. If so, then counseling to build up your self esteem and self love is in order. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years and we have two wonderful daughters. I am thinking there is more going on than you are aware of. And neither of us is unhappy it just feels more like were roommates most days. He keeps motivated and trying to succeed there. Please let me know what you think. Ive been with my fianc 2+ years now & I cheated on him emotionally. What can I do to atleast make him give us a chance at this? Talk to friends. I asked him to respect my decision to give my advice as I feel it was adequate = he said my decisions are shit. We currently stay together and we been trying to work on it but HE talks to others girls or spend time with them while Im at work or at home alone, my man says I dont talk to him been saying it for the whole relationship. Im tired of crying and not eating and being sick to my stomach. Shes obviously not in good shape where is she right now but i am definitely not falling for another trap. Goes he share productive quality time with them? How csn I win her trust back? Give yourself time to work through your grief. we have a beautiful home thats half way paid for outright, love, attraction, everything? Ive been so down and depressed lately I cant even stand myself! And voila! I had my son at 17 & the absentee father was a guy who I loved very much, had been together for 5 yrs and he left before I was even 3 mths pregnant. He needs professional help as well as AA meetings. That hurt me deeply to hear that divorce was even a possibility in her mind. He is calm, he usually gets angry when I confront him with things like this, he tells me you didnt do anything to deserve this, Im done I wont do it again. (And thats no fault of yours.) What I found most interesting about was u said was that I dont love his character? Mostly about every day things, problems, work, school But the affair was over. I dont know . I am sure this man has good qualities. If it works well for you then this experience may be a blessing in disguise. What can I do? also i never had the intension to hurt him purposely. How will I know and how can I tell if I will love him again? He fell for me and i think i have feelings for him too. Can a past abuser change. I am so sad and feeling so guilty. You can do better. In January of the following year stupidly I told my stepsons ex-girlfriend that I used to have a crush on her. As we seek loving partners, it is our own responsibility to recognize others in ability to give us the love, respect we need. Now he is 2 days sober and begging for forgiveness since he sees Im ready to leave. I realize that is how you see your actions, but putting yourself down makes you end up feeling hopeless which then leads to MORE bad choices. I know I love her with every ounce of my being, but throughout the relationship, I managed to abuse her physically and mentally. He still doesnt see him doing anything wrong by spending all his time with his female friend. Sounds like he was using you, plain and simple. You see, depending on the reasons underlying the behavior, the process of healing is different. I wont give up on him. The pain will go away in time..And I will inevitably avoid him like the plague unless its to do with our kids because emotions are not games we play..I deserve this pain as I have given him far more..Because of how I feel I also believe he is that one..My only love now I just moarn the loss..I began that a few years back..Good luck to you Im sorry for your situation..Just know on my side had I to do it over again, he was very much worth all the love and trust I never gave.. My wife and I will be married for 19 years this year. Please comment me back and give me some advice. bungalowstreet. But can she just leave me alone and move on with her life rather than torturing me emotionally?. But I love him I do, I devoted so much time money and energy into this and I of t want it to go to waste, he says he wants to show me how he would change he keeps asking me to come back there not realizing I would go crazy because you did things with her in the same bed and same room I would be in, I told him I cant I would be too uncomfortable I told him to come here and hes coming he spent 700+ to come here for four days to come see me to prove to me hes going to change and that this will never happen again but I dont know how hes going to do that I. Lucky for me she was decent and told him sympathetically she didnt want anything to do with dramas and that she hopes it works out for us. The thought of sex with anyone but him is not an option for me. Our was not only child but freezing cold weather on Wednesday morning. I must listen, instead of talk. I have been dating A good man for over a year and a half. Most of them are very things that happen when a young child is sexy abused. Prior to that, I came across her FB page and stumped on a picture that resembles same guy that went to us to home Depot last October. Hi , I have been in a relationship for 2 years and in the last 3 months wmy gf and I switched to an open relationship at her request , it was either this or break up so I went with the open relationship. He got time off and came home to me a month after he cheated on me for the third time. And he does not know how to get back to the place he would prefer to be with you as a family, but in love as well. He says no he doesnt want to save the marriage and its a little to late so thats my fault. The other night was the last straw. is this something else im going through bc she hasnt done anything bad shes been there for me also id like to know what is the true meaning of love ?? ( I think he got tired of her neediness) she then was in a 2 year relationship with a man that was 15 years older. It is really important that the counselor be specifically trained in MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY. I knew if I invoked that and cost her the dream job she always wanted that I was heading for a divorce for sure. Is it better to be unhappy and rich or happy and poor? Should I stop worrying myself to death and just trust him, then deal with the repercussions if something does happen? If you do not know what to wear when getting some help from friends or family is quite alright as they can give their opinion on what looks good on you over what does not. You are attracted to and feeling repulsed by the person you just started seeing. I help with the kids a lot more, I am helpful with the household responsibilities and I now try and plan meaningful dates for us. hi dr . Finally, I realized that it wasnt the fact that I was a mean drunk, it was the fact that we had no time apart, that i was selfish when it came to him going out with his friends, that i was suffocating him, and he didnt realize it until i said itthat he wanted some alone time and that was the real reason we broke up. So when she came in Tuesday I asked isnt the same guy we went to home depot last yr is your babyfather?. Told him that he owed me to one another until you broke up with him shows maturity... He wants me and our families even met and spent time together loved! Was in recovery, I am definitely not falling for another trap counselor be specifically trained marriage. Give us a chance at this she moved out with her sister and from being traumatized, fell immediately of... And came home to me a month after he cheated on him emotionally a man..., school but the process is backwards from the first time since starting.... 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