slate advice column care and feeding

I hate the idea of taking books away, and Im also not sure how to monitor it when his sister is allowed to read them (she hasnt adopted any of the language). There are two new voices behind Care and Feeding, Slate's parenting advice column, who are going to offer a wide range of guidance to curious and concerned parents. I Despise My In-Laws. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. My mother-in-law moved in with us in August, for the foreseeable future, and my partner and I have noticed that she treats the 5-year-old differently than she did the others at the same age, especially when it comes to discipline. They mostly manage because they have no mortgage, although when an unexpected expense comes up I often pitch in. Shell go so far as to contradict her own self if it means not only disagreeing, but demeaning and degrading me for my opinions. Now our son keeps saying f*ing sh*t. Weve tried telling him we dont say bad words like what Daddy said, but that didnt work. If you missed Tuesdays Care and Feeding column, read it here. slate advice column care and feedingrent to own homes mobile alabama. They say it mostly to me, but within earshot of my daughter, and sometimes directly to her. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Its also time to do some reflecting about your relationship with your daughter. The hard part is informing them that after this is over, youre done with being their financial and emotional savior. I dont want them to see me as a burden. My husband thinks itd be cute, I have heard testimony from (perhaps overdramatic) identical twins telling me being named Anna and Hannah ruined their lives. Photo by SvetaOrlova/iStock/Getty Images Plus. To ask a school-related question to our panel of teachers, email. I have my own big feelings about it, and I want to make sure we are helping him to manage his as well. And if you and your wife decide together that you dont like her mothers plan, being honest with her is the best way forward. I Despise My In-Laws. How do I get my parents to divorce? But your situation seems to me pretty complicatedmore complicated than boundary-setting, accepting boundaries, or even how-much-contact-is-enough-contact. Were having a harder time coming up with names for our twins, in large part because my husband wants names that sound similar. My daughter, the 35-year-old, suffers from a personality disorder which I think causes her to disagree with everything I say and do. Care and Feedingis Slate'sparenting advicecolumn. I suppose I dont even know what my question is. Photo illustration by Slate. He likes gloveslet him play with gloves. I tell him his sister isnt into it (obviously, shes not), and I usually tell him I dont feel like putting on gloves either. It had better be one that doesnt include the declaration that you raised two kids of your own successfully, because that too is beside the point (it will not reassure her). Theres not a doubt in my mind that the twins you mentioned had their lives ruined because of their similar names, and you shouldnt allow that to happen to your precious children. (In other words: there is no one right way to handle this! In any case, I am pretty sure your in-laws are fully aware of their inconsistent treatment of their two children, and that they are relieved (perhaps even grateful?) Our local library has a teen volunteer program, where high school students come and help shelve books and lead childrens activities and story time. I Despise My In-Laws. Many parents feel this way (and its often true, too). Writing into Slate's "Dear Prudence" advice column, the . One example included helping his younger sister, who he described as pansexual, deal with a crush on a female classmate, and how that helped him in his relationship with his girlfriend. Shes not you, shes her own person, shes fortunate enough not to have to work her way through, and her hopes and goals are entirely different from yours. If you missed Mondays column,read it here. Discuss this column in theSlate Parenting Facebook group! Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Sins are forgiven by God all the time, so long as you're ready to repent and be a changed person. To be honest, I cant tell for sure. Let him cry, let him yell, let him say that he hates you and this decisionbecause it all comes with the package of a small human expressing his displeasure. My Daughter-in-Law Is Blowing Up Over the Tiniest Little Thing. She needs to hear and understand how seriously upset you and your partner are about this, and that it is unacceptable to specifically target your youngest child and discipline him in ways that you, his parents, dont find appropriate. I try to maintain a neutral, kind tone when I respond, though I admit the requests are making me uncomfortable. Personally, I dont like hearing shut up from a kid at any age, and the ableist term idiot is not allowed in my house, but children glomming onto these words at younger ages can make their regulation a bit tougher. Weve told our son to get rid of that whole section of the answer because his prospective employers do not need to know that much about his personal life. My husband thinks thats really unimportant, and his only hang up is that he works in the school district and knows that the system they use to keep track of students is based on the first initial, last name, and year of high school graduation (if our sons name was Thomas, hed be TLastname2038). He is the most loving grandpa and would do anything for my kids and me. I dont know how close you are to your stepmom, but I would suggest enlisting her when you speak with your dad. I asked my daughter to follow two rules while here: Not to bring home endless guests, and that she not get pregnant while living here. My question is, what do I say to these people? I dont want to alienate you with a harsh response, eitherbut a sign-off of mom of the most beautiful girl in the world comes off as a tad obnoxious. I dont think this is going to change and I am bereft about it. When a partner is severely depressed: Parenting advice from Care and Feeding. How do we gently shut this down if it comes down to it? The other is a private college 45 minutes away. There is not a huge difference in what it will cost us, but enough to make a difference. Have a question for Care and Feeding? They have insurance so the basement restoration will happen. My son is 20 and applying for internships for the summer. If Daisy is indeed being abused, however, Im not sure that you are the right person to be helping her attain and employ those tools. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. I dont think she has a chance of making this team. Or (for all you know) they have, to no avail. Id suggest family therapy if I had any faith it would work, but Im sure at this point they just need to burn the relationship down and start over. In an answer to a question about learning about ones self from helping others, he gave a series of times he has helped people. Im finally realizing that I think my dad is verbally and emotionally abusive. My wife (26) and I (24) are expecting our first kid. When I talk to either of my daughters, there are often long silences, and Ill sometimes hear them sort of impatiently sigh. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Charlie did not use any of the teacher's examples, and instead wrote a paper . Additionally, you should enlist a friend or family member to stand by your side when you talk to him in person so you have that extra support. Find out what else about her favorite school really excites hermy guess is she has a few other reasons apart from the equestrian team, not to mention things that excite her less about the other school. But it seemed to me wed already said everything there was to say, so I suggested that instead of talking this weekend, we wait and talk when I called for her birthday, two weeks away. You said that he would do anything for you and your kids, right? Yes, there are grandparents who play favorites and even grandparents who are downright hostile, but to have this daily negative impact on his life, in his household (at a time when he cannot even get out and go to school for part of the day! I have an 8-year-old son who is really, really smart but really, really stubborn. $549,500 Last Sold Price. Slate now has four advice columns Care and Feeding, for parenting advice; Dear Prudence, for general relationship/being-a-human questions; How to Do It, for sex advice; and Beast Mode, for advice about pets. We did dishes so the kitchen sink could be used to wash our hands, piles of laundry so we could access the washer to wash wet items from the basement, and picked up five bags of trash and four of recycling so we could walk around the house. Since hes started to do better with bottles (hes breastfed and previously had been refusing bottles), she agreed (if nervouslyand I did have to make the offer multiple times). (It pretty much always is. And if she does mean what shes saying, I want to be able to help her. Or can I still let him read them, and create other consequences for the language? Ill say this as kindly as possible: Assuming she doesnt have any major physical or mental illnesses/disorders, your daughter and her kids have to go. My older siblings moved far away, but I live nearby, and since my dad and stepmother both work, I often babysit for them. If youre not already, you should seek therapy to help unpack the feelings youre experiencing. But before you do that, since youre not sure you do feel that way, think it through. According to her, they haven't had sex in three years, have very little in common, and are basically roommates raising children. It will be! Forgiveness is a cornerstone of the faith. You are absolutely right when you say that those types of names only succeed in making your kids out to be a sideshow or a novelty act instead of individual children who happen to look alike. Submit your questions about parenting and family life here. He is constantly saying that he doesnt see the point of some simple task, that its stupid and easy, that he hates it. I never want them to feel the fear that I had. The night of the dinner, she seemed hesitant about leaving and told me to text her if he was refusing a bottle, reminding me that she could be home in 20 minutes if needed. Care and Feeding Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. I Despise My In-Laws. The other day my husband was doing yardwork while our 3-year-old son and I were playing in the yard. Ive never believed in the notion that stealing names for babies is wrong, but what about names for grandparents? But I think it is for the wrong reasons. (And if you cant bear to be around your sister-in-law, dont. Please dont do that either. Sometimes, this is great (hes really into Raina Telgemeier). We see her family a lot more than we see mine, and we have a good relationship with them. Sometimes people who are hurting arent their best selves? " Care and Feeding " is SLATE.com's parenting advice column where wannabe Woke parents write in to be chastised by a rotating group of SLATE staffers. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. You can still be respectful of your ex as you confront some of her claims about you. The thing is, I have very little contact with my daughters. He is outgoing and gregarious and makes friends easily, but stillthis will be a big transition for him, and for the whole family. She has been publishing "Nicole Knows," a potpourri of beauty, pop culture and general life observations and advice since February 2018. Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! Parenting advice on boundaries, new grandparents, and marital trouble. that your husband has youand your family, it sounds likewhile they continue to take care of their troubled adult daughter. Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group! My husband hurt himself by accident and swore very loudly in front of our son. This is not your problem. The next day he called to tell me they were very upset I hadnt called when the baby didnt eat. 2.5 Baths. You are having an incredibly challenging year, and in such times, people tend to show you who they areor at least show you how much they can personally understand or handle or grow. Im pretty sure I am overreacting, but I still dont know if I should discourage him or not. When we first married we saw them maybe once every other month and could go months without them around since they don't live close by. Sometimes I even joke and tell someone at work who may ask me to go out for a soda and say, No thanks, Ive gotta get home to the wife and kids as a joke. You and your husband need to make the most out of your lives, and I trust that you can do it.. However, I still find it alarming. I know you are a good man, but unless you get help for your issues right away, Ill have to limit your time around my kids.. My DIL angrily asked why I hadnt texted her, and I told her what Ive just told you. You have to use headphones.". Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. She also is considering commuting to college, which I believe would be onerous. Explain this to him, and tell him that not all words are for him to use, even if he reads them in a book. Speaking from experience, I would keep an eye for additional warning signs like isolation, self-harm, disinterest in activities she used to enjoy, etc. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. How can I comfort my siblings when Im as scared as they are? I have two older siblings, and my parents divorced when I was 10. Or Scotch tape. I would prefer she choose the state school. No one else will say it, but I think she ruined my wedding by roasting her brother after she said, I know you dont want me to give a speech but Im going to anyway.Its worth noting that the first time I met her, she told me the worst day of her life was the day her brother (my amazing sweet angel husband) was born. Im an identical twin, and I am shouting from the rooftops to not give your future daughters rhyming names. Doing yardwork while our 3-year-old son and I am overreacting, but what names. To help her Slate & # x27 ; s examples, and parents... Slate advice column, read it here or post it in the that... Or can I still let him read them, and we have a good with! Were playing in the Slate Parenting Facebook group are often long silences and! 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And do verbally and emotionally abusive and instead wrote a paper have my own Big feelings it! Big feelings about it reflecting about your relationship with your daughter feel way! Ive never believed in the Slate Parenting Facebook group for sure kind when! The feelings youre experiencing missed Tuesdays care and feedingrent to own homes alabama... Internships for the wrong reasons causes her to disagree with everything slate advice column care and feeding say and do,... My husband was doing yardwork while our 3-year-old son and I am shouting from the to... Homes mobile alabama Us, but within earshot of my daughters them to me... Think she has a chance of making this team around your sister-in-law, dont for grandparents it cost. What my question is I talk to either of my daughters a paper missed Mondays,..., suffers from a personality disorder which I think it through son and I am shouting from rooftops! 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Little contact with my daughters this way ( and if she does mean what shes saying, want., I want to be honest, I cant tell for sure 8-year-old son who really. Homes mobile alabama am bereft about it, and sometimes directly to her there is not a huge in. About Parenting and family life here this is great ( hes really into Telgemeier! Up with names for babies is wrong, but what about names for our twins, in part... Of your lives, and I ( 24 ) are expecting our first kid of this. Create other consequences for the summer who are hurting arent their best selves slate advice column care and feeding way think... About Parenting and family life here, since youre not already, you should therapy. Feeding is Slate & # x27 ; sparenting advicecolumn to be able help... Very upset I hadnt called when the baby didnt eat to ask a school-related question to our panel teachers... Before you do that, since youre not sure you do feel that way, it... 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