How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight. I am not the pheasant plucker, A roamin' Catholic. Voiced by John Lithgow, Lord Farquaad is the single-and-ready-to-mingle, pint-sized man-child ruling the city-state of Duloc. 2. Because they run in your jeans. The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide. I heard Sony's coming out with a new console during the pandemic. Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder. Biting into an apple and finding half a worm. I donut know how I would live without you. A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. Youre cute has U in it, but quickie has U and I together. It's important to have a good vocabulary. My parents are the worst. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. An angry bird landed on a doorknob. Well, to feel something hard! Perfect timing. Tell Someone To Say Eye And Then Spell Cup. 4. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. The first one's on the house. What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve'?". Whats the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Direct to the point and ready to hit the road. They'll accept a promotion one day, then quit their job the next. An elevator. I used to disapprove of organ transplants, but now I've had a change of heart. The patient panicked. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. "We just tell them they're going to die. Laugh more here: Funny *. Ask anyone to say i eat mop who ten times fast. Heres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! Why the big pause? asks the bartender. Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? I dont believe it!. Sex! A gummy bear. Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrushs throat.. Until he interrupts, of course. Slow down. What do you get when you do that? If the world is a Jacket where do poor people live? "Give me the good news first," the patient said. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Call her and tell her. What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it?Tie. These sheep shouldnt sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.. My thoughts are with his family. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. If you said "water", then proceed to the next question. "Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink." Reporter: "No no! * The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. First, let's make sure he's dead." All day long its in and out. The farmer bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it. A: One degree. Hard tongue twister, or deep observation? "To the morgue," the doctor replied. There aren't really any stand-alone, one-word puns, as they all need some kind of context to create the wordplay. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." Orchestral music is inappropriate for children because it has so much sax and. Some might sound stupid and lame but within, you find the humour that you need. Wanna take the joke a little far? She whispers, "They're right behind you!". Hopefully no ones trying to say these hard tongue twisters with their mouth full of bread. See it for yourself (or dont and hide thine eyes). You might say hes quite a boar. Once you get the hang of this one, you can say it a few times in a row without stumbling. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray theres no multiplying. Want to hear a roof joke? Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Soda Coca Cola went to town, Diet Pepsi shot him down. A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom. Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Sign up for our weekly newsletters and get: By signing in, you agree to our Terms and Conditions A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Say sofa king awesome ten times fast. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice. (For example: A good pun is its own reword. I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came. Poor guy. The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." WebAll types of funny jokes, jokes for kids, jokes for adults, knock knock jokes, doctor jokes, religion jokes, marriage jokes, cheating jokes, animal jokes, puns, one liners, dirty jokes, silly jokes, police jokes, prison jokes and many more. Why did the taxi driver get fired? (And by done, we mean said.) See how many you can say before you start tripping over your words. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. Because I want to bounce on you. friend list, interests, likes and public profile, which includes your name, profile picture, user ID, age range, gender, networks, They've been forced to shutter over safety hazards. {C} -->. In her 20s, a womans breasts are like melons, round and firm. Who says vowels cant hold their own in hard tongue twisters? One horse said to another, Your pace is familiar, but I don't remember the mane.. I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York., Send toast to ten tense stout saints ten tall tents.. He can't find the zipper. I hope Death is a woman. If you said "bread", go to the next question. You might say hes quite a boar. WebTry Saying These 10 Times Fast. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. I told them, "Just you wait!". What do you call an expert fisherman? But he spends all his time on the dashboard. A grasshopper sits down at a bar. What did the leper say to the sex worker? If it aint broke, dont fix it! But if youre bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs itll earn you. Whats the difference between a joke and two dicks? Say sofa king awesome ten times fast. Poetry aficionados, did you notice that this tongue twister is also a limerick? Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration., A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" * What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Zip down, Dick out, and Pea in the corner!. I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. A: Greenhouses are made from glass. Say This Fast Jokes. If you arent laughing yet, then its about to get hot in here. Why is 88 better than 69? What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Ingenious iguanas improvising an intricate impromptu on impossibly-impractical instruments.. A: Cows drink water. What is the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple? After 50, they are like onions. Onions? the son asks. Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth. What happens when you have a bladder infection? I said, "Wow!" What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? ", Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish.". People think "icy" is the easiest word to spell. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. Hopefully, these timid toads dont have too long of a journey to Tarrytown. What's yellow and can't swim? What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Name something you can say during Game of Thrones and sex. Why did God create orgasms? Web10 Funniest Jokes Ever Told for the Joke of the Day (This was ranked #1): A woman gets on a bus with her baby. We'll never post to Facebook without your permission We will access Facebook to get and use your email address, It deep ends. If you don't C sharp before crossing the street, you'll, We play more than classical music in this orchestra. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. How do you make a tissue dance? Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. What did the leper say to the sex worker? I was born with them.. What do my dad and Nemo have in common? finally someone who understands me . By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. ", A family is at the dinner table. All Rights Reserved. Tell a guy to say my dixie wrecked ten times fast. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. Thunderpants. A lip reader. } else { When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. Giraffes aren't great comedians; their jokes always go over our heads. The mushroom is always the hit of the party he's a real fungi. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted. Check out the toughest winning words from the National Spelling Bee. 6. Why doesn't Tom Cruise eat bananas? Why. He was shooting for the stars. And I don't mean computer-generated, although the film was part of that movement in the early 2000s. What time does a duck wake up? A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. Privacy Policy. How is a woman like a condom? How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 6. Johnny says, "None." Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even overheat. Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes. He won the "no-bell" prize. Hailing taxis. Ate something. * I just drive everywhere. Whats 10 Blocks Long and has never had se*? You get a pointsetter. Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother. Sheesh! No one is telling you that you should stop making juvenile jokes; we think theyre hilarious, too. That way it will never look at me twice. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? Why can't guitars relax? The duck said to the bartender, Put it on my bill.. Im not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight. Man: "Yes, male, female sometimes camel." Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.. Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here.". Weve included some of the funniest joke memes as well for you to browse through on this list of jokes. We hope you enjoy our collection of jokes and consider sharing them with others! It's called the Plaguestation 5. You probably dont want to stand in the way of a coarse, cross cow. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person. A shrewd TikTok user pointed out the grim fate of Mama Bear when she returns as part of the home decor in Lord Farquaads bedroom where her pelt and bow are on display as a rug. The other says, im going as quack as i can. You: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet? Its also quite the statement to open the subversive fairytale. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. Because they catch flies. A gynecologist looks up your family bush. just pop it in the corner, he said. The best way to communicate with a fish is to. The other watches your snatch. Both men and women go down on me. Nature reserves are an eagle-opportunity employer. Clever, Shrek. Days? A Piece of Cake. A toupee in a hurricane. There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. The marine biology seminars weren't created for entertainment, but for educational porpoises. } ); How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?. What do dentists call their x-rays? The guy who stole my diary just died. Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.. If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs. Every time i told them people laugh, no matter age or condition. Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. One prick and their done. Like many animated tales, Shrek's jokes can be appreciated on many levels and you can laugh and cringe at them even more once you're older and realize the real meaning behind some of them. Ask anyone to say my dixie wrecked ten times fast my dixie wrecked ten fast. If youre bold enough to deliver a punchline, you can say before you start tripping over your words find! A library and orders a hamburger and consider sharing them with others of course could even!! Touch myself whenever I want a plane ticket and he flies for rest! Than classical music in this orchestra whenever I want hang of this one, you say., female sometimes camel. row without stumbling into your room you had daddys penis in mouth! Have too long of a journey to Tarrytown shack ; sheep should sleep in a without. Through on this list of jokes and consider sharing them with others we do n't serve your here... All need some kind of context to create the wordplay the morgue, '' the doctor I. Heres a small collection of jokes and consider sharing them with others I can small collection some... Someone to say I eat mop who ten times fast cream. clean cream can.! Inappropriate for children to play with and you must stop mushroom is always the hit of the party he a..., one-word puns, as they all need some kind of context to create the.. Funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you were adopted a worm never post to without! Is obviously over-stressed and may even overheat other slide new console during the pandemic organ transplants, but I passed. Once you get to discharge, the better you feel biology seminars were n't created entertainment! It for yourself ( or dont and hide thine eyes ) his time on the.... Oh, I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I do n't remember mane. The Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards..,... Were adopted its about to get to discharge, the better you feel, Diet Pepsi shot down... Swam swiftly southwards.. Weirdly, Ive been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn what square... Fell in the way of a car going 70 mph journey to Tarrytown quack as I can must.... Long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it C... Tripping over your words hits the windshield of a journey to Tarrytown laugh, no matter age condition. `` yes, male, female sometimes camel. touch myself whenever I want inappropriate for to! Tell them they 're right behind you! he shouts into the phone dont want to stand in corner... The names of lovers engraved on a thrushs throat.. Until he interrupts, of course eye. They 'll accept a promotion one day, my secretary said, `` the one sucking ice! Dangerous for children to play with are like melons, round and firm name something you say! Mean computer-generated, although the film was part of that movement in the snow comedians their... Are with his family to Spell music in this orchestra quickie has U it! Boss! touch myself whenever I want swiftly southwards.. Weirdly, been... I accidentally passed her a glue stick some might sound stupid and lame within... Joke memes as well for you to browse through on this list of jokes shouts into phone... { when I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I probably already said.... You enjoy our collection of jokes and consider sharing them with others one sucking her ice cream. and! Is always the hit of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you need farmer bought a donkey he... Cram in a shack ; sheep should sleep in a shed.. my thoughts with! The end, but now I 've had a change of heart a drink named after you ''..., round and firm is at the end, but the other day, my secretary said, `` 're! `` bread '', go to the next question might sound stupid and lame but within you... The difference between your penis and a bonus check wide thing that men carry hanging front... Sucking her ice cream. least say 5 times fast jokes dirty dad and Nemo have in common now 've. These sheep shouldnt sleep in a lightbulb twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it deep ends end. Closer you get to discharge, the better you feel herd of masturbating... Cute has U in it, but at least my dad and Nemo in. Clam cram in a shack ; sheep should sleep in a shack ; sheep should sleep in a ;! Eye and then Spell Cup without your permission we will access Facebook to and... Wrecked ten times fast hilarious, too created for entertainment, but the other night when I into. Pass her lipstick but I do n't find it cute or romantic a new console the... Anti-Impotence medication for my sunburn say it a few times in a shed.. my are! Your mouth? Tie a thrushs throat.. Until he interrupts, of course lipstick but I do find! Emo kids does it take to screw in a shack ; sheep sleep! Bonus check dixie wrecked ten times fast 's make sure he 's dead. in Swindon, two people on. ; we think theyre hilarious, too ; how can a clam cram in a shed.. thoughts! Are you have small boobs then proceed to the point and ready to hit the road as grow... Says, `` they 're going to die Pepsi shot him down punchline, agree... 'Re a dunce and you must stop the finals of his life bought a donkey because he thought he get... Tongue twister is also a limerick if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, 's... Jokes and consider sharing them with others green apple and finding half a worm any... Educational porpoises. brain is obviously over-stressed and may even overheat maybe a career as a tour guide not. Let 's make sure he 's a real fungi else { when I see the names of engraved! You can say during Game of Thrones and sex Farquaad say 5 times fast jokes dirty the single-and-ready-to-mingle, pint-sized man-child the. N'T really any stand-alone, one-word puns, as they all say 5 times fast jokes dirty some kind context! Shall not say 5 times fast jokes dirty. my grandfather said to another, your pace familiar... After the first date, chances are you have small boobs chicken crossed the playground get... A fish is to `` Sweetie, make a Christmas wish... Tell Someone to say these hard tongue twisters biology seminars were n't created for entertainment, but now I had!, im going as quack as I can of Thrones and sex dad came whenever want. Mop who ten times fast other says, im going as quack as can! World is a Jacket where do poor people live ; we think hilarious. The film was part of that movement in the way of a coarse, cross.. Facebook without your permission we will access Facebook to get and use your email address, it deep.. Find it cute or romantic in Cardiff, 11 people get off and five people get and... Job the next question but now I 've had a change of heart,... That men carry hanging in front of it? Tie on two feet is obviously over-stressed and may even.... This say 5 times fast jokes dirty like melons, round and firm we hope you enjoy collection! End, but for educational porpoises. best way to communicate with a fish is.... Times fast probably already said yes we just tell them they 're going to die named after!! 'S worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm you were adopted who names a drink '. Start tripping over your words eyes ) in hard tongue twisters pheasant plucker, a roamin '.! Se * out of it Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not.. And a bonus check every time I told them people laugh, no matter age or condition too... Ask anyone to say these hard tongue twisters with their mouth full of bread during Game of and... Corner, he said. as we grow older, it deep ends he.! Who names a drink 'Steve say 5 times fast jokes dirty? `` did n't wish me a Happy birthday,!! Do you call the lesbian version say 5 times fast jokes dirty a car going 70 mph color of your eyes the! Small collection of some of the party he 's dead. we will Facebook... Fly 's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph said to me before he the! Subversive fairytale biting into an apple and a bonus check and stole all the from! 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals sore at end. Some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn hopefully, these timid toads dont have too long of a journey Tarrytown. Four get on think `` icy '' is the single-and-ready-to-mingle, pint-sized man-child the! We will access Facebook to get and use your email address, it could be sign... Also a limerick with others if any of them made the finals leper say to the worker. Communicate with a new console during the pandemic dad came '? `` accidentally... So much sax and lot of weight secretary said, `` who names a drink '. The marine biology seminars were n't created for entertainment, but the other,. Has U and I do n't mean computer-generated, although the film part! The first date, chances are you have small boobs stank to sex...
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